In September 2185, with caves on the mind of every Super Earth citizen following the battles on Oshaune and other planets within The Gloom, Super Earth High Command would deploy an expert with over 25 years of caving mastery: the adventurer, explorer and designated cave expert Steven Caves.^[1]

Steven Caves' Recommendations

Caves can be dark and scary, but they can also be a source of riches, scientific discoveries, and many hours of fun. Steven Caves recommends that every citizen bring a flashlight, their best boots (approved and distributed by the Ministry of Expansion), and a trusty shovel to find out what hides in the deep depths of the galaxy.

Please note that as of the 22nd of January, 2186, Steven Caves is considered missing and it is unknown whether he is alive or dead.^[2] As of April, the only available piece of evidence to his whereabouts is his ID badge, found by the fraudulent Ministry of Truth investigator Stefan Holmes.^[3] If any citizen has information regarding his whereabouts, they are advised to contact their nearest Loyalty Officer.

Cave Safety

Caves are dark, damp, and potentially dangerous. Which is why, when going cave exploring, Steven Caves recommends staying S.A.F.E.^[4]

• Sight: Keep an eye out for sudden shifts in terrain and always keep both feet firmly planted on the ground.
• Awareness: Stay alert of your surroundings. You never know what you'll encounter.
• Form: It's important to maintain good form. Stick to proper protocols and you'll be completely fine.
• Exploration: Now you're ready to explore all the secrets that caves have to offer and secure the riches that allow Super Earth to stay prosperous.

If a citizen finds themselves stuck between a rock and an even sturdier rock, they must not panic, as panicking causes muscles to expand as the body tenses up, making one even more stuck. Instead, Steven Caves recommends repeating the simple mantra: I am free. If a Super Earth citizen keeps their breath steep and their hopes up, their body will relax and enable them to simply slide out of any rocky situation.^[5]

Trivia

• Steven Caves' name may be a direct allusion to famous Australian zookeeper Steve Irwin.
  • This seems to be invoked in universe as during Steve Storms' third video, Storms is seemingly killed by lightning and is replaced by another person who almost calls himself Steven Caves — indicating that both are actors playing characters manufactured by Super Earth for propagandist purposes.

Gallery

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  Steven Caves title card

References